Not A Bad person
by Swake23
Summary: Human nature is a complicated thing. The motivations of actions and reactions can be shallow or deep. For Ben he has to reconcile with a ever-growing paranoia and concern for his community and his daughter. For Ben being a leader is a struggle with between personal demons and the demons of the people being governed over. At the end of the day will he 'not be a bad person' ?
1. Chapter 1: Another Lonely Soul

**Not A Bad Person**

**By: Swake23**

**Chapter One: Another Lonely Soul**

Light dances through the leaves of the trees as a man walks underneath them gathering mangoes. His khaki Cargo pants swish against his satchel. He squats down and places a bottle into the stream of water and collects some water. Lifting the bottle form the water to his lips, he takes a swig. He wipes his mouth and collects some more water before twisting the cap back onto the bottle and places it into his satchel. He trudges on wards to his home. The sun kisses his perspiring forehead and cheeks as the day wears on.

As he approaches the pylons he slows to a halt at the control pylon and squats down and punches in the code, he lifts the panel and turns off the pylons. He stands up and saunters to the other side and turns the pylons back on. He then walks through the section of jungle and makes his way to his house. He approaches the clearing where the swing set is lazily swaying in the slight breeze coming through the trees. He walks passed it and goes to the house directly across the way from Juliet's and enters it.

"*sighs, it's good to be home. " he says to himself, "Alex? Where are you?" his voice echoes through the empty house, "I swear to Jacob, if she's with Karl again I am going to imprison him in one of the polar Bear cages on Hydra Island." he muttered aloud to himself.

He busies himself with placing the mangoes that he has gathered into the nearly bare fruit bowl on the counter in the kitchen. Afterwards he cleans the little bit of dishes that were left in the sink after breakfast that morning. A little while later he sits down and reads a book from his bookshelf. The title was "Self Help" by Dr. Phil (ironic, given his circumstances) . As he was reading he heard the front door open and someone (his daughter he supposed) walks in and goes into the kitchen.

He marks his place and puts down the book, "Oh, Alex? Where were you? With_ Karl_?" he drew out the boy's name intentionally drawing attention to it.

Alex peers meekly from behind the kitchen wall, "what makes you think that, dad?" she tried to sound innocent.

"Alex, were you with that boy, Karl again?" his voice was stern, eyes narrowing towards his daughter.

"What if I was, huh? What are you gonna do about it? Huh, dad?" she challenges him.

"You really want to know, Alex?" he challenged right back.

"Of course." she coolly spoke.

" I am going to take him to Hydra Island and lock him into one of the cages and keep you here on _THIS _island away from each other." he smugly replied crossing his arms across his chest boring holes into her soul.

" But Dad! That's not fair! You have no right to that !"she whines, frustrated.

"I have every right to do it because I am your father! I don't want to you near that boy!" he raised his voice in a firm authoritative tone.

He had just "put his foot" down sort of speak and ordered her to go and help Tom with cleaning the Rec Room. When she had gone he tries to read some more and found he could not. Sighing, he puts the book down and leans back into his chair. He grew tiresome. Yawning, he reclined in his chair and falls into a deep sleep.

**_Ben's Dream_**

_The smoke billows around the trees making a 'chattering' sound. His feet are pounding the earth and his breath rasps in his throat as sweat perspires down his face. His heart felt as if it would explode. A shiver of fear snakes its way through his back like a tumor that sneaks its way into __existence before you get a chance to defend yourself against it. Tears threaten to burst forth from his eyes. This thing just won't give up. No matter how fast or far he ran this thing just won't let up._

_He searched for Banyan trees and found none in sight. His muscles scream out for him to stop even though he didn't want to. He kept running until he couldn't take it anymore. He stopped running and stood still, gasping for breath. The billowing smoke now encircled him showing him his faults and fears. He felt himself sink to his knees and begin to uncontrollably sob. "Oh, Alex, what is going to happen to you?" he wailed for no one to hear. **(****Ben's dream ends)**_

Day breaks drifting through his window and dances on his closed eyes. His steady breath grows shallow and rapid. He stretches and adjusts in his chair. As a result he falls out of the chair and onto the floor. Now sitting half-awake, he smacks his lips and peers around the room trying to get a grip on reality. He seeks out his eyes and begins to rub the sleep from them, stretching as he does so then yawns. He can feel his hair sticking up crazily all over his head. His muscles are achy and sore from sleeping in his chair. He slowly climbs to his feet and staggers over to the bathroom.

After he finishes in the bathroom he saunters out into the hallway and makes his way to the kitchen. A dull throbbing pain envelopes his lower back causing him to rub it. In the kitchen, he lowers his hand from his lower back and opens the cupboard and reaches for a glass. With the glass in hand his patters over to the sink, the bottoms of his boots scuffing the wood floor, and stops at the sink to fill his glass with water. He stands at his sink, sipping the water, while looking out the window watching his people meandering about the quaint little village surrounded by jungle.

He pours the rest of his water out into the sink, rinses the glass, and places it to dry in the dish strainer. He heads to his bedroom to change into clean clothes. In his room he spreads out his clean outfit, a pale blue button down paired with dark beige khakis, and a pair of fresh hiking boots. He strips out of his sweat stained and dirt covered clothes and tosses them into the laundry basket. He replaces them with the outfit on the bed. Shortly after he changes his daughter knocks on his door.

He saunters to the door and opens it, "yes, Alex. Can I help you?"

Nervously, "W-would it be to much to ask for Karl to stay on this island?"

Sighing, "Look, Alex, darling, we've been over this a thousand times. You and Karl are not allowed to be together until you can promise me that you two will not have sex. is that clear?"

Haughtily, "But Daaaaaad..."

Sternly, "Don't 'But dad' me, young lady. You and Karl are to be separated and for good reason."

Groaning, "ugh! Why?! I don't understand!"

Firmly, "Alex, you and Karl are teenagers now. Which means that you are super horny and impulsive. meaning that you two would not be able to control your hormones and end up consummating in the jungle running the risk of pregnancy."

"But dad pregnancy isn't that big of a deal.", she stomps her foot.

"On _this _island _it is _a _big deal _! Because pregnancy equals death on this island, young lady!", he felt his face grow hot along with his temper.

They both stood silent. It now occurred to Ben that he hadn't talked about the dangers of pregnancy on the island with his daughter before. He took a breath and slowly let it out, a tear fell down his cheek. Something else also occurs to him, it is his birthday _and _it was the day his mother died due to complications in childbirth. The sole reason why he wants to solve the pregnancy issues on the island and part of the reason he brought Juliet to the island. 'Oh, Juliet, I want you to be mine, _only _mine.' he thought to himself. Why is love so hard? Sighing he takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. after a few moments he releases the bridge of his nose and replaces his glasses upon his nose. His daughter was still standing there silently taking in what he has just revealed to her.

Her curly chocolate brown hair gently swishes to and fro on her shoulders as she is swaying her head back in forth. He sees a tear trickle down her cheek, he goes to to wipe it away when she jerks away from him and turns her face away. he slowly drops his hand and looks down. The silence between them is unbearable,but no words can change a thing. He takes a breath trying not break down in front of her. After a few beats his daughter walks away and leaves the house softly closing the door behind her. Ben just stands there in his doorway as tears start to stream down his cheeks. He slowly slumps to the floor and curls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them and hangs his head and continues to sob.


	2. Chapter 2: What It Takes to Love Her

**Chapter Two: What it Takes to Love Her**

Ben now sits in his bedroom door frame quietly assessing his daughter's needs. His breath is shaky and his cheeks are sticky with salt. Sniffling, he stiffly stands up and adjusts his clothes, smooths his hair and wipes his nose with his hand. He makes his way, slightly trembling, to the bathroom. He washes his hands and face and blows his nose then just stands in front of the bathroom mirror starring at his reflection.

The man starring back at him has under-eye bags, stress wrinkles, a bulbous nose, prominent ears supporting the arms of round metal frame glasses, a square jaw with slight stubble, and framed with wild-looking hair that is pointing every-which way. Sighing in defeat, he continues to groom himself by shaving his stubble, brushing his hair to make it less wild looking, and rubbing some under-eye bag cream under his eyes. 'god, I look so exhausted' he thought to himself.

After grooming himself, he makes his way to the kitchen to make himself a proper breakfast. In the kitchen, he heats a frying pan, while it is being heated, he goes to his fridge and takes out the eggs, butter, sausage and a loaf of bread. He places the ingredients on the kitchen counter. He takes the butter and butters the pan, it sizzles as it drops into the hot pan. He replaces the butter on the counter and takes out to eggs from the carton and cracks them into the hot frying pan. Letting them cook in the pan he takes out two slices of bread and places them in the toaster, setting to one and half minutes.

He goes to the dish strainer and fishes out a spatula and tongs. He uses the spatula to flip over the eggs in the pan, letting them cook once more. A short while later the toaster finishes and he carefully takes the toast out of the toaster and butters them, placing them on a plate. He goes back to his egg pan and scoops the eggs out and carefully places them on the plate next to toast.

He then proceeds to cook the sausage. After seven to ten minutes he checks the sausage, deeming it cooked enough he places his two sausage links on the plate. He turns off the stove and places the tongs and spatula in the sink. He puts away the ingredients used, then he takes his plate along with a fork and knife and goes to sit at his table to eat his breakfast.

At the table, he devours his breakfast for he hadn't realized how hungry he was. After his finishes his breakfast he cleans the dishes that he used, then he grabs his satchel and a couple bottles of water and prepares to leave his house. He takes one last glance in the bathroom mirror before leaving for a good while. As he places his hand on his doorknob, he stalls a moment, takes a deep breath and turns the knob and opens the door. The sunlight trickles down upon his skin hugging him in a blanket of warmth and comfort. Taking another deep breath he steps outside and closes the door behind him.

He stands on his porch for a few more moments trying to get the courage to fake a smile and greet his people. He takes a couple more deep breaths and forces his legs to move and step off his porch. He takes the time to go around the village and greet his people and see if they need anything. His false smiling causes a slow aching to deepen in his cheeks. He greeted Harper and Goodwin, Ethan, Tom, Pickett, and Bea and now he was steeling himself against his feebleness as he approaches Juliet. Her blonde hair glistens healthily in the mid-morning sun. Her skin a perfect shade of pale olive glows sweetly in the sun's soft kisses bringing out her beautiful blue eyes with brilliant faucets of gray flecks. His heart skipped a beat when she kindly smiled and waves to him. He waves back.

"Morning, Juliet, *soft nervous chuckle, how is your morning?", he effortlessly beams from ear to ear.

"Hey, Ben, my morning is alright. How was yours?", her voice flutters effortlessly out of her soft thin lips.

"Oh...it was fine. The same drama as always, ya know?", he halfheartedly chuckles and waves his hands about.

"Is Alex still trying to find ways to be with Karl?", her lips smoothly forms the words.

"Yeah. Speaking of Alex have you seen her lately?", he muses.

Juliet waits a beat before answering, "She has been trying to reach Hydra island, but Pickett won't let her have a boat."

"Ugh! Why is she so hung up on this boy?", he throws his hands in the air in exasperation.

"You would have to ask her yourself, Ben.", she gently pats him on his shoulder and walks away.

He stood there gently scuffing the dirt with his boot. A heaviness overcomes him and he fights against the sudden urge to cry in front of his people. He has to look strong for his people. The sensation swells in his bosom causing him take several deep breaths in order for the feeling to pass. After a while it did. A soft chitchatting in the distance catches his attention. The smoke creature is flowing throughout the jungle. Maybe he knows...knows what? Oh forget it, who needs smoke when there is no fire? Ben trudges to the playground that sits in the middle of the village and sits on a swing and rests his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. He gently sways himself back forth.

His people forgot all about him. They are all going about their day without saying it once to him. Is it to much to ask that they say 'happy birthday' to him at least once? Have they just forgotten or are they being spiteful? Why is he so negative all the time? Maybe they are purposely not saying anything because they've planned something for him? What if they haven't planned anything? Soft foot falls approach him and a hand gently caresses his shoulder. He looks up and sees that it's Richard. His deep brown eyes search Ben's clouded blue-gray eyes. They peer into each others eyes for a long time.

The silence is broken by Richard, "Ben, Want to come take a walk?"

Sighing, "Yes, I need to take the edge off." Ben Stands up and smooths out his shirt.

They both head to the jungle for a walk. The mid-morning sun turns into early-afternoon sun steadily increasing the temper slightly. As they walked, their hands gently brushed together. Electricity snakes its way up Ben's spine warming him with a heat he has never known before. His heart rate increased ever so slightly causing him to perspire. His body screamed for more. Panic set in as Richard took his hand and guided him to a clearing he hadn't known existed.

In the middle of the clearing was a blanket spread out and a basket placed in the center. The panic eased a bit. Richard's hand releases Ben's and is gently placed on his shoulder. He shudders from the touch. What is this feeling I have with Richard? This foreign feeling is frightening and confusing. Richard invites him to sit down on the picnic blanket. Ben obliges and sits down on the soft checkered blanket while Richard sits across from him.

Richard smiles, "Happy Birthday, Ben."

"Thanks, Richard." Ben smiles warmly back.

In the lingering silence Ben senses something watching them from afar. A soft chitchatting sounds from the distant jungle. Was it watching them? Was it listening? He couldn't be sure what it was or how it came to be. All he new was it was an intelligent existence. Ben could hardly touch his slice of German Chocolate cake. An overwhelming urge to break down and cry overtook him and tears slowly caressed his cheeks. Before he knew it, he was sobbing. His shoulders shuddered as he started to hyperventilate.

Concerned," Ben? What's the matter? What's wrong? Talk to me, please.", Richard wrapped his arms around Ben's shoulders.

"I...j-just...I...How...I...*sobs*...I...*sniffles*...I just want to be loved.", Ben choked through his sobs.

"Oh, Ben, you _are _loved. Don't know that?", Richard cooed.

Pulling away from Richard, "By who?! Now one on this island loves _ME_! No one! They just follows orders! _MY _orders! They _hate ME!", _Ben's Voice quavered as he ranted. His tears had dried and now nothing but rage and hurt filled his heart. In his fit of rage and hurt he got to his feet and vigorously kicked the picnic basket as Richard looked on in somber sadness.


	3. Chapter 3: Alex, Sweet, Alex

**Chapter Three: Alex, Sweet Alex**

* * *

Ben felt Richard's eyes as he watched him throw a tantrum. The picnic basket was laying haphazardly on its side a few feet away from where Ben stood. Slowly Ben collected himself and calmed down. He takes a deep breathe and slowly releases it. Ben lets the silence penetrate the air. He collects his things and walks away from Richard. Before long he found himself running through the thickets of the jungle in search of nothing and of everything he ever wanted. Tears dampened his cheeks drying as they fell. After running for what felt like ages he slowed to a walking pace continuing to make his way through the jungle.

The only sound he heard was the crunching of his boots as he walked on fallen twigs and leaves. After a while he started to hear the sound of whispering voices. As he lowly approached the voices got louder. When he was close enough he was able to distinguish between the two voices. One of the voices belonged to his daughter and the other to Juliet. Ben started to ease drop.

"Alex, Your father is just trying to protect you." Juliet effortlessly fluttered out.

"Screw my father! He doesn't want me to happy!" Alex was on the verge of tears.

"Alex! That's no way to talk about you father." Juliet huffed.

A moment of silence, "Well maybe if he let me have Karl I wouldn't be so harsh."

Sighing" Alex, Your father is protecting you from yourself and your hormones."

Exasperated groan, " What do I have to do to have Karl Back?!"

Reassuring, " Just be a good daughter and consider your father's point of view and maybe, just maybe, you can have supervised visits with Karl."

Huffing, "Why do I have to consider my _father's _point of view for?"

"Because your father would greatly appreciated it."

Haughtily, "Whatever. I gotta go."

Ben heard Alex coming and ducked into the nearby Banyan trees and waited for her and Juliet to leave the area. When he heard their receding foot falls he carefully and quietly slipped out of the Banyan trees and sat down in front of a nearby boulder. He leaned back onto the boulder and crossed his legs propping his satchel on his lap. He closed his eyes and listened to the chirping of the birds, the rip-petting of the tree frogs, and the chit-chatting of the smoke monster. The chit-chatting sound grew closer with every passing second before receding in the distance. After a while he fell asleep blanketed by the humid air.

**_Ben's Dream #2_**

_Ben was in his house looking out a shattered out glass window at his daughter. There were tears in her eyes. She was pleading with him. There was a dark figure pointing a shadowy gun-like mass at her head. "Please, Daddy! He's serious. He killed My mom and Karl." What? her mother? No she didn't know her mother. Did she? Why is she pleading with him. Wait. What is the shadowy figure doing? A muffled shot rang out and his daughter crumpled to the floor. Lifeless. NO! Alex! NO! He silently screamed. He climbs out the window and dashes to her. He put a hand under her blood-soaked head. "No, Alex, No. Not you. Please not you!" he wailed. The shadowy figure grabbed him around the waste and dragged him away in the thickets of the jungle. "No! Please! No! Let me go! Please! I need to say good bye to her!" The shadowy figure didn't respond. _

_The surroundings melted away and he was aboard a freighter, hands tied and a __prisoner of the shadow figure. A shadowy mass was pointed at his head. He realized that it was a gun. Fear snaked its way up his aching spine. His heartbeat was erratic with terror. 'Oh My God! I am Going To Die!' he thought to himself. The shadowy figure pulled the trigger..._

**_End of Ben's Dream #2 _**

Ben woke up screaming and sobbing, "NO! My Alex! No!" he sobbed. He head throbbed where he was "shot" in his dream. Was it a dream or a premonition? Harper would know. He stiffly staggered to his feet, carefully stretched out his knees. They had grown stiff due to being in the same position for a long time. He slowly made his way back to the Barracks. The trees drip their moisture unto the top of his head as he walks underneath them. The drops cascade down his cheeks and soak into his shirt collar. A cool wind brushes up against him, chilling him to the bone. 'What's with this island?' he thought to himself.


End file.
